September 13, 2006

Back Seat Confessions

I promised in my previous entry on last week's visit to the Vacaria settlement that I would relate a funny incident that happened there.

Here goes.

After the birthday party was over on Saturday night, many of the people present asked if I would take them home on my way to the place where we were staying. Of course I agreed, and soon the bed of my pickup was full of people. Beside me in the passenger seat was my wife, and in the back seat rode two young ladies from our church, and an older woman from Vacaria, who we shall henceforth refer to as "Strange Lady".

No sooner had I started to back out of the driveway when Strange Lady began to pray fervently out loud, "Lord Jesus, protect the driver, please keep us safe, don't let anything happen to us."

Now I am not opposed to praying for safety during travels, but there was a note of panic in her voice which caused me concern. Thus I turned around and said to her "Minha Senhora, está tudo sob controle" (Ma'am, everything is under control).

"I know," replied Strange Lady. "It is just that I have a real problem with fear."

She was not kidding.

The roads in Vacaria are not paved, and at their best are full of potholes. Add to this the fact that the community itself is nestled in among steep hills and you have some very challenging driving. Every time we would start to go up one of these hills, the prayers from the Strange Lady would begin. At this point I remembered that there was a very steep incline coming up, and I wondered what her response would be. I soon found out.

As we started up the hill, I began to shift into lower gears. As the truck was loaded with people and supplies, the engine began to work hard. Strange Lady began to pray in earnest.

"Lord, please help the driver. In fact, You drive the car Yourself. My daughter is in the back, and needs your protection. She is only thirteen!"

As the sound of my hardworking engine intensified, so did her prayers. Soon we became aware of the fact that she was in tears.

"Oh Lord! I am too young to die! I don't want to die!"

Then the confessions began.

"I can't die yet! I need to ask forgiveness of my father, who I have been mistreating all these years! I need to talk to my husband, who left me after five years! Of course he left me...who could stand to live with a woman like me? Please don't let me die!!!!"

I glanced over at my wife, who was doubled over in silent laughter. The two young ladies from our church who were in the back seat were doing their best to be polite. One of them had a blanket and was biting it, hard, to keep from laughing.

Finally we reached the top of the hill. To our utter amazement, the waterworks stopped immediately. Without so much as taking a breath, Strange Lady turned to one of the girls next to her and asked, in a matter-of-fact way, "So, would you like to stop by my house to pick up some hammocks to use tonight?"

Mercifully, her house was our next stop. As soon as she got out of the truck, all of us burst into gales of uncontrollable laughter.

If ever Strange Lady is convicted of a crime, the police need not worry about the interrogation process. The ride to the police station is all it will take for her to spill the beans.

Posted by Andrew on September 13, 2006 8:16 AM.

Comments

Posted by: Gary at September 13, 2006 4:00 PM

Posted by: Andrew at September 13, 2006 4:02 PM

Posted by: Hush at September 13, 2006 4:57 PM

Posted by: Andrew at September 13, 2006 5:06 PM

Posted by: Connie at September 14, 2006 7:00 AM